How Do Other People's Perceptions Change How We See Ourselves?

Imagine looking into a mirror that reflects not just your appearance, but also your worth and identity. This is the essence of the "looking-glass self," a concept coined by sociologist Charles Horton Cooley in 1902.

It shows us how our self-image moulds from how we think others see us.

Think about your own life... does your view of yourself come from how you think others see you? If so, that's this theory at work!

While this idea can help us understand ourselves better, it can also lead to serious challenges for our mental health and personal development. Let's dive in!

The Negative Effects of the Looking-Glass Self

One significant drawback of the looking-glass self is how it can overwhelm us with the opinions of others (or, what we think are the opinions of others, whether they are in reality or not!). Constantly stressing over how we are perceived can lead to anxiety and low self-esteem. Many people experience social anxiety at some point in their lives. This can lead to a cycle where, if we think others view us negatively, we may withdraw. As we isolate ourselves, these feelings often intensify, creating a downward spiral. The interesting thing here is that it doesn't matter how others actually perceive us, but how we think they do! They could think we're awesome, but that doesn't matter if we don't see it in ourselves.

Individuals with social anxiety often exhibit these "negative metaperceptions," meaning they believe others view them more negatively than they actually do. This distorted "mirror" is a key cognitive component of social anxiety. Psychological models of social anxiety often include cognitive biases related to interpreting social cues and forming negative self-beliefs based on anticipated negative evaluations from others. This directly aligns with the "imagination of others' judgment" step of the looking-glass self.

Becoming too absorbed with social media can have obvious detrimental effects on our mental health...

Twomey and O'Reilly (2017) studied self-presentation on Facebook and mental health, finding support for associations between false self-presentation and higher levels of social anxiety (and low self-esteem). This suggests that when individuals feel they have to present an inauthentic self to gain approval, it exacerbates their social anxiety, highlighting the tension between the desired "reflection" and their true self.

"The looking-glass self" theory suggests that our self-concept is shaped by how we think others see us.

Combatting the Looking-Glass Self

The first step to overcoming the negative impact of the looking-glass self is becoming aware of it. Acknowledging that your self-worth should primarily stem from within is crucial. One effective method is practicing self-affirmation. This could be as simple as writing down three things you like about yourself each day. By focusing on your strengths, you counter the harsh judgments you sometimes believe from others.

Another powerful approach is seeking feedback from trusted friends or family. Engaging in open conversations with those who genuinely know you can provide a refreshing perspective. They can often see your qualities that you might overlook or undervalue. Surrounding yourself with people who celebrate your true self can boost your sense of authenticity and self-expression.

Taking breaks from social contexts that heighten anxiety can also be beneficial. This doesn't imply complete isolation but rather engaging in solitary or low-pressure activities that allow for introspection. For instance, hobbies like painting, hiking, or journaling can serve as wonderful avenues for self-discovery, giving you the freedom to explore your thoughts without external scrutiny. But, make sure to still plan some social activities with others!

Using the Looking-Glass Self to Our Advantage

On the other hand, the looking-glass self can also work in our favour. Recognising that our perceptions are often shaped by how others see us enables us to build stronger, more meaningful relationships. By thinking about how we want to be perceived, we can intentionally align our actions and words with those values. Be careful with this one though, because focusing too much on how others see us can easily lead to obsession with external perception, rather than focusing on how we see ourselves.

In navigating these reflections, the key is maintaining balance. Awareness of the looking-glass self's potential pitfalls can guide us toward cultivating genuine connections and fostering personal growth. Embracing both the positive and negative aspects helps us understand ourselves in relation to others, ultimately enriching our life experiences.

Further Studies

Hjetland et al., (2021) found that a high focus on self-presentation on social media was associated with more mental health problems, including anxiety. While this is in the digital realm, the underlying mechanism aligns with the looking-glass self: individuals are highly concerned with how they appear to others online and internalise perceived judgments.